Never thought I would perceive

Reason in riots

Faithfulness in unfaithfulness

A beginning to every end

Realism in idealism.

I remember many blue skies merging with yellow sun.

In no way sensed the same sky would

Turn black and dusty ;Vicious and vile

My unreliable head

Forgetting nothing is steady

Marigold, roses, jasmine

Tassel, studs, colorful

Chipped nails, faded polish

She is anything but groomed

 With a bag full of baggage

She ain’t any ordinary women

She dresses up to dress down

That’s how she stays alive

 Her spirit died long ago, she says

And her soul - shook up to react no more

 With flowers on her hair,

She charmed my weary eyes

 Long after she passed me by

The fragrance of irony remained….

PS: This poem is about a  sex worker who I came in contact with through Ashodaya, an NGO that works with them.

Lets call him ‘I.’ First, we were neighbors and then we realized we both go to the same area for work. We leave the house and get off from work about the same time, so it turn out we were spending more time with each other than we both would have liked. He was a good-looking guy no doubt. But I’ve never been attracted to him physically. He plays the guitar and sings well, so we ended up having many house parties where he would belt out renditions of many bands from the 70’s. Something we all enjoyed thoroughly.   He had lots of girl friends out of which many were hopeful girlfriends. I knew and he used to tell me as well,  that, Most of them hated me thinking I was one of them . I dint care much then, because to  me he was a good friend and thats all mattered.

But, I consider myself very intuitive and every time I am around him I get this really uneasy feeling. In spite of us considering each other as best friends and confide many things between us, I often get this really bad aura when he is around. I used to brushed it off thinking perhaps am just being stupid.  Then, I went away to another place for a couple of months. When I returned, he left the neighborhood and moved in with his friends. We lost touch with each other after that.

 About a year later I went to a friends party where I was introduced to a stranger. As we were being   introduced to each other she cheekily smiled at me and said  ‘ I know her”. Amazed I asked her if we had met before. She replied No, but I know all about you.”  She knew where I work, where I live. What I like, what I don’t and most horrifying is that she happened to know some embarrassing incidences in detail. My head begin to spin; I was angry and confused, not to mentioned being totally let down. I went quite with shocked when she spoke, hey relax, I know your friend ‘ I’ very well. He used to tell us all about you guys. Us? Who is “us’, I asked this time filled with anger…. well, me and my friends and his friends, her smiled froze on her face when I left. Few days later I met a common friend who whispered “ it’s a pity things dint worked out between you and I”. That was it; I couldn’t care more or less how many people he must have spoken about me. What was his intention only he knows.. So much for being a ‘ Friend’. As for me, ever since, I wished I had a delete button where I could delete people I don’t want to be associated for the rest of my life - People with cruel intentions. That’s why I call him ‘I. ‘I’ stand for ‘Idiot”. No less!

This Holi I bumped into ‘I’ almost after 3 years.  He ran towards me with wide-open arms, screaming where have you disappeared sweetheart. AS if nothing had changed. I looked through to him and smile wryly. He was taken aback. 'Hey, what happened? He followed me. I turn back and asked him “ Have you ever met somebody and wished you had never met that person?

I admit I am one of those who have got badly infected by the blogging bug. Believe me I am definitely not proud of it. My social life has taken a severe beating. As a result of sitting long hours in front of my PC, my eyes is brutally strained and my back..ahhhhh  its been aching  for as long as I can remember. The worst thing about all this is, I know the reason and yet I still do it to Me. Why? Dont ask.....

For the past few years, the first thing I do in the morning is reach out for my laptop. My virtual friends have become my world. I guess living on my own has drawn me further into virtual reality. One where I can be who I am without letting the world know the real me. One where I can be brutally honest and yet not be judged. It has made me so comfortable, I am afraid; I have gone beyond all limits. Picture this! I already blog actively in 4 other sites. Got a  flickr and  photobuket account. Work full time. And I’ve just signed up rediff iland Sigh….